Okay, so I realize that ideally, if I want to draw readers to my blog, I need to write regularly. And I want to draw readers- but my thesis is more important, so I'll work on that. Short stories is better than no story.
So, as I've said, I want to go into the camp industry. I want to serve kids in need. One day, I'd like to start a camp for kids who have been abused or are dealing with issues of violence- a camp that focuses on outdoor adventures and community service, incorporates environmental education, and has a Christ-centered leadership framework without requiring youth participation in religious activities. So I had an interview last week for a job at a camp that sounds amazing. It's far far away from here- more than half-way across the country. It has an extensive outdoor adventure-travel program.... it does not have any religious affiliation. It encourages volunteerism.... but serves youth who's parents have money.... but the incoming director is interested in developing a nonprofit entity to bring in funds for scholarships so other kids can attend... and he's interested in possibly having me work on getting that going!!!!! Wow! Oh, wow! Can I please? I really want to!!!!!!!!
Okay. Calm down..... but WOW!
So I have a second interview coming up, in which I get to explain how I would work it. Wish me well- pray me well. It's not exactly the camp I would start, but I would be a direct part of getting kids in need, into a camp that could change their world, and God could use me. Okay, so I want the job that is best for me. No: "Let her get the job" prayers. Just: "let her do well in her interview, and let them come to the best decision." Thank you :-)
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
Wormhole
Pulled through space, towards a new reality. That explains a lot, actually. It explains the confusion. It explains why thoughts and ideas and potential realities are swirling around me- as I try to understand who I am, who God is, and who I am in Christ. My master has my arm, and we are traveling. He knows the way. I am not afraid.
And now that I know what's going on, I can look around; I can see the different ideas and understandings that are swirling around me.
I am trusting. I'm a skeptic. I'm compassionate. I'm self-focused. I am feminine. I'm a tom-boy. I am trustworthy. I'm a flake. I work hard. I waste time.
* Once saved, God won't let you go (this is my "probable") vs: You can turn away from God. * God calls and provides a way for everyone - even those who never hear the gospel in this life ("probable") vs: God calls only those who hear the gospel in this life. * God makes some "bad" things happen (ie: death), and sometimes gives us consequences because he knows that our lives are a speck in eternity, and so the cost is worth the gain ("probable") vs: God only allows bad things to happen because to not allow it would be to deny free-will, and all consequences are natural'..... * and other stuff that's between God and I.
All I know is: God loves me- me individually. He never would have spoken to me otherwise. He never would have revealed himself to me otherwise. But he is still so mysterious, and the more I know, the more I crave... and how can I claim him when I don't know his character? But I know he is good. And he has my hand. And he is pulling me through this hole in space, and bringing me to the other side.
.... by the way, I wasn't wasting time- this time. Journaling is one way I focus on God in my "God-time."
And now that I know what's going on, I can look around; I can see the different ideas and understandings that are swirling around me.
I am trusting. I'm a skeptic. I'm compassionate. I'm self-focused. I am feminine. I'm a tom-boy. I am trustworthy. I'm a flake. I work hard. I waste time.
* Once saved, God won't let you go (this is my "probable") vs: You can turn away from God. * God calls and provides a way for everyone - even those who never hear the gospel in this life ("probable") vs: God calls only those who hear the gospel in this life. * God makes some "bad" things happen (ie: death), and sometimes gives us consequences because he knows that our lives are a speck in eternity, and so the cost is worth the gain ("probable") vs: God only allows bad things to happen because to not allow it would be to deny free-will, and all consequences are natural'..... * and other stuff that's between God and I.
All I know is: God loves me- me individually. He never would have spoken to me otherwise. He never would have revealed himself to me otherwise. But he is still so mysterious, and the more I know, the more I crave... and how can I claim him when I don't know his character? But I know he is good. And he has my hand. And he is pulling me through this hole in space, and bringing me to the other side.
.... by the way, I wasn't wasting time- this time. Journaling is one way I focus on God in my "God-time."
Sunday, December 11, 2011
If I Die Tragically
Sometimes I worry about death- but not so much about dying, as about the people who have to deal with it. I won't finish my thoughts here tonight; maybe I'll add to it at a later point. But there are some things I'd like to say now.
1) If I die tragically, people will wonder about my last moments, so I want to say it went one of two ways: I either fought for my life til the end, or God gave me a sense of peace and helped me to let go. There was no sense of hopelessness. And hopelessness is the only thing to fear.
2) As much as I love life, and as many dreams as I have for the future, No one ever sits in Heaven saying, "Man! I wish I could go back."
3) If you didn't get to say goodbye, ask God to pass it along; but know that my last moments on earth aren't what eternity is based on- so if the last goodbye was abrupt and un-meaningful, or even hurtful, it's not like I'll spend eternity thinking you didn't care about me.... and I hope you know that I care about you too.
4) I didn't die too young to experience what God wanted me to experience. And, in fact, my life has already (while I still hope to live to be At Least 121), been very meaningful. The meaning is in relationships (and of course, in getting to know our creator who wants the ultimate relationship with us), not in worldly success. My goal is to be an encouragement every day, whatever I'm doing. Some days I succeed, other days I don't. But my now isn't building up to some goal which, if I don't attain, makes my life a failure. If my life blessed others, then my life was meaningful. And if it didn't bless them (hypothetically speaking- cause if nothing else, I at least got one run-away away from a probable pedifile/pimp and back to her family) well, my relationship with God still made my life meaningful.
5) I know I'll be in Heaven because I love God. He loves me. I want to be with him; I can't imagine being away from him. I crave him. No I'm not perfect, but he understands and accepts that. He knows I seek him. I don't have to be perfect; I just have to believe upon him- to rely on him, trust him, want him, put my hope in him- and not perfectly. I don't look to the day I get to have this and that in Heaven, or even to the day I get to see this person and that person. I look to the day that I get to be with God more truly than we can be here on earth. Those who don't make it to Heaven are those who reject him- don't care to be with him- they may want to live in a cool place like Heaven, but they don't care that it's his creation, his home- that they are guests. It means nothing to them. If he said, "Let's have dinner," they would blow him off to spend time with each other. They will probably be rude and inconsiderate to his other guests- the children who accepted his offer to "adopt" them- as well. No one in their right mind invites someone over to live as a guest if that person only wants to be there for the cool electronics, etc. Neither does God. But God does invite those who want to be with him, so I know I am invited; that's where you'll find me.
1) If I die tragically, people will wonder about my last moments, so I want to say it went one of two ways: I either fought for my life til the end, or God gave me a sense of peace and helped me to let go. There was no sense of hopelessness. And hopelessness is the only thing to fear.
2) As much as I love life, and as many dreams as I have for the future, No one ever sits in Heaven saying, "Man! I wish I could go back."
3) If you didn't get to say goodbye, ask God to pass it along; but know that my last moments on earth aren't what eternity is based on- so if the last goodbye was abrupt and un-meaningful, or even hurtful, it's not like I'll spend eternity thinking you didn't care about me.... and I hope you know that I care about you too.
4) I didn't die too young to experience what God wanted me to experience. And, in fact, my life has already (while I still hope to live to be At Least 121), been very meaningful. The meaning is in relationships (and of course, in getting to know our creator who wants the ultimate relationship with us), not in worldly success. My goal is to be an encouragement every day, whatever I'm doing. Some days I succeed, other days I don't. But my now isn't building up to some goal which, if I don't attain, makes my life a failure. If my life blessed others, then my life was meaningful. And if it didn't bless them (hypothetically speaking- cause if nothing else, I at least got one run-away away from a probable pedifile/pimp and back to her family) well, my relationship with God still made my life meaningful.
5) I know I'll be in Heaven because I love God. He loves me. I want to be with him; I can't imagine being away from him. I crave him. No I'm not perfect, but he understands and accepts that. He knows I seek him. I don't have to be perfect; I just have to believe upon him- to rely on him, trust him, want him, put my hope in him- and not perfectly. I don't look to the day I get to have this and that in Heaven, or even to the day I get to see this person and that person. I look to the day that I get to be with God more truly than we can be here on earth. Those who don't make it to Heaven are those who reject him- don't care to be with him- they may want to live in a cool place like Heaven, but they don't care that it's his creation, his home- that they are guests. It means nothing to them. If he said, "Let's have dinner," they would blow him off to spend time with each other. They will probably be rude and inconsiderate to his other guests- the children who accepted his offer to "adopt" them- as well. No one in their right mind invites someone over to live as a guest if that person only wants to be there for the cool electronics, etc. Neither does God. But God does invite those who want to be with him, so I know I am invited; that's where you'll find me.
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