Casual Conversation

In the last few years, I've started to get the hang of casual conversations. They haven't come naturally to me in the past. I don't know whether to blame it on my response to being abused and bullied and made into a social outcast as a child (and thus, being behind in the conversational front), or on something neurological that got masked as part of my epilepsy and the side effects of medication.

What I know is, I was always considered "shy," but never felt shy. It was just easier to answer, "yes" and "no," and to listen.... and I Enjoyed listening anyway. I never recognized that people wanted me to explain my "yes" or "no" with details until I heard someone in college, talking about people who never say more than "yes" and "no," and realized I do that too.

What I know is, Conversations always felt like playing double-dutch. How on earth do you know when to jump in- without cutting someone off... and before it's too late, since the direction of a conversation can change like the tide.

What I also know is, I always struggled to articulate myself. The words weren't there. I remember joking in college, to my mom, that I could never remember the word, "articulate," to allow me to tell someone that I was having trouble finding the words. I finally committed that word to memory because I needed it often. When I had trouble finding the words to express myself, I could finally say, "I'm having trouble articulating myself," and that helped. With that sentence, I could let them know that I had thoughts on the subject at hand- I just couldn't get them out. It allowed me not to feel so stupid in a college setting.

Somehow, I don't struggle very much with this now. I improved first, in writing- and over time, it has spread into my conversations. Still, when I get really into the flow of a conversation, I feel excited. When someone shares an idea or a story, whether theological or scientific or just plain casual, and I draw on that to share my own idea or story, explaining the connection or application... and when I can do this in the moment, I feel like I've overcome. It's not a casual thing that I take for granted. It's a blessing.