Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Mountain

I don't know what my friends think of me, really. Maybe they think I'm odd. Maybe they think I'm weak. Maybe.... but they are still here.

There is a mountain up ahead. A formidable looking mountain that towers above, as I push through the scrub of the foothills. I am hoping I don't have to climb that mountain. It seems isolated and lonely, dark and dead.... A fire must have swept through; the trees are black and bare. I can see that much from here, but not much else.

What I know, though, is I must get to my master who awaits me on the other side. Whether that means going around or over, I do not know yet. To get there, I must learn to hear his voice, which echos like the wind through the mountains. I must also be loyal; he must become my only destination, as any distractions might prevent my success.

So I walk, listening for his voice, looking for any signs of which route to take, heading in the general direction of where I intend to go- but also, taking the flattest path I can find, hoping it will stay this way, and that I can travel around this one. Of course, even this is a challenge, but it's not "The Mountain."

It is my understanding that at the height of this mountain, there are no friendships. If I must climb to the top, I leave them behind and climb solo- the way it used to be, listening intently for the voice of my master as his voice echos each step to take. I fear it may be the only way to get me to the other side where he awaits. Where I am affirmed by him, as a true apprentice.

Among the foothills, I have my friends' encouragement. My friends do want to see me get there. My friends often have the knowledge to advise me. "My friends"- a phrase that still feels new to me. The concern, however, is two-fold. First, my master wants me to learn to hear his voice personally. If I listen too intently to my friends, I may not hear him when he whispers to me. Additionally, though I think I'm stronger than this, I fear that I may hesitate too long, wishing to keep pace with my friends and take the route they take, which may differ from the one I've been given. I must put my master first; I must be willing to leave if he calls me to do so. I must be able to move on if he calls them away from me, or they turn away on their own. My fear, then, is that my master may decide that the best route for me is the lonely, barren route; the route which will prove my loyalty most solidly, but at such a high cost.

I know that if this is ever the route I must take, it will be worth it. It will strengthen me immensely as his apprentice. Yet I hope there is another way. I hope that I can learn how to put my master first in mind as well as action, to seek only his approval, and still keep my friendships- to take the low trail. My master is understanding and merciful. I know that if I can learn it this way, he will guide me through these hills. Yet my master is loving and he desires for me to grow; to be everything I have potential to be, and to have a perfect relationship with him. Therefore, if I can't attain this otherwise, he will guide me through the challenges. Either way, I am willing. He will get me there.

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I love comments. It makes me feel like I'm not just talking to a wall, and rids me of the feeling that this time, I said too much, or said something the wrong way.

(I review your comments first, so if you want to say something just to me, just let me know).