Grandma

As I wait on my boss, I guess I have time to write something.

 Several weeks ago, I left California on a roadtrip to Illinois, to visit Grandma (I'll talk about the drive later). She has always had this thing about making sure I knew she wouldn't be around forever.

I remember when I was 7, or there-about. I was telling her how much I loved her. I wanted to live with her. She told me I'd miss my mom and dad. I insisted I wouldn't. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with them; I just adored Grandma- and probably the 1-1 attention I received. And I knew Grandma adored me- even though she couldn't say my name right. She even had a doll named after me- also mispronounced.

And at night, we would share the big bed, and I would talk forever. "Grandma." "Yes honey?" "What are we doing tomorrow?" "Oh, I don't know. We'll see in the morning." "Grandma." "Yes?" "Can we go feed the ducks tomorrow?" "If we have enough heels. We'll see." "Grandma." "Hmmm?" "You know what my teacher said?" "Hmmm.".... "Grandma?.... "Grandma?" "hhggah ssshhh (Zzzz)".... ya know, she doesn't snore like that now that I'm grown up, and not keeping her awake.

All to say, I really loved Grandma. So I probably said I wanted to live close to her "when I grow up." (I lived in Illinois at the time, but was a couple hours away). She told me that she wouldn't be around to see me get married, and maybe not even to see me graduate high school. I reiterated how much I loved her, and she told me that she was old, and that she wouldn't have the energy when I was in high school, to do the things I wanted to do- that when I was in high school, I'd choose to stay home and spend the weekend with my girlfriends rather than to have to go with the family to visit her. I was adamantly certain that this would not be the case.

Well, she's still around. I'm not married yet, but that's circumstance; not time. She did come to my high school graduation- although she couldn't fly to my college graduation. And every year now, when I've visited, she has said goodbye, dreading that it was probably the last time. I've tried to convince her that she's not necessarily correct, and she has argued that she doesn't want to live to the point of being a burden.

So most years, I go out there for a week or two, but her fear of dying without spending enough time with me was getting to me, so I decided to go out there for 5 weeks.... that was hard- she has energy for 1 or 2 errands per day, tv, and a multitude of card games. I have energy for hiking and exploring. But while I was there, something amazing happened:

I was in the middle of cooking, when she said, "So when you're 44, I'll be 100, huh?" For a couple seconds, I was horrified. I don't want to think about being 44 yet. It's not old, but I have so many plans between now and then. So why was she thinking that far ahead. Then it struck me. She's planning for 100! Wow! Grandma's planning for 100!

Now, I fully understand that she could die anytime- in an accident, of an illness- possibly just from old age, although I don't think she's there yet. And of course, she's still aware of this fact. But she isn't expecting it. She's planning for it, but she's also planning for a longer life. This really makes me smile.... but no more 5-week visits; maybe 2 short visits: spring and fall.