Recognizing the Quest

This past summer, I went camping with my sister and her family. I had been craving spiritual time away to think and to listen.- to "hear" God if he has anything to say to me. I spent the first night- probably 2 or 3 hours after everyone else went to sleep, staring into the flames of the campfire, mostly wrestling with the thought, "What do you want me to do?" Suddenly, I "heard," "I want you to help camps to become more financially sustainable" ... Now, I don't mean I heard a sound. The few times I believe I've heard God speak to me, it bypassed sound, straight to whatever part of the brain processes the actual words....

So I struggled with that idea. I didn't say no, but I had tons of questions: "But what about my dream?" "Was that really you saying that?" "Is that really what you want?" I heard nothing else. I hoped I heard wrong. I talked to a friend about it a few days later. I said I wanted to be willing, but I wanted my dream also. I knew I'd do it; I just wanted to feel better about it.

About a month later, I was in class, staring through the professor, thinking to God, "Yes, I'll do it." And I meant it completely- no hesitation. Suddenly, I "heard," "And I'll help you with your dream." I wasn't seeking to hear anything at that point, so it totally took me back, and I couldn't just sit there, so I left the class and went outside to think, and to thank God. He wanted me to be fully willing, and once I truly was, he revealed more to me.

A few weeks after that, I had the idea to change my thesis topic, which hadn't been forming right, to find out about the current donor marketing strategies of camps, and to make recommendations to strengthen their efforts. After sending my proposal to the advisor, it crossed my mind that technically speaking, this thesis would fulfill what I had heard God asking me. So over the last couple months, I've been wondering if this is all God wants- since technically, it fits the assignment.... but it doesn't quite feel like that's it- I feel like I'm supposed to do a little more. Of course, I don't know. I'll have to see what happens.