I Dream of Camp

My first week working at camp, I rocked to sleep a 5 year old who a year before, witnessed her stepfather kill her brother. I'll never forget her. Somehow, she trusted me. It was amazing to realize that though I couldn't fix her situation, I could give her comfort, just in showing her that I cared about her. A couple of weeks later, several of the girls in my new group were comparing notes, showing me every scar, and explaining the source of each purposefully inflicted mark.

I began questioning whether I wanted to work more permanently with this population, or keep my plan to work with animals. I knew I was allergic to cats, and that had me worried that I might not be able to work with animals. More importantly, something in me was wondering whether working with animals really had true meaning; or whether it was just something I enjoyed. I went to the school career counselor to take a couple personality tests, and the counselor was able to narrow down my career goals: either work with animals... or do something to serve kids. I hesitantly chose to switch my major to sociology, but kept my plans to attend Humboldt State (this was what I had decided on while camping when I was 12), where I could take wildlife classes as electives, and switch back if I wanted (somehow, even once I got there, I never did take wildlife electives).

My third year at the camp was when I mentioned, casually to the program director, "Maybe I'll start a camp." That would have been summer of 2000. I wasn't too serious. I liked the idea, but I knew I didn't have the management or social skills. It was more of a, "This would be nice" moment, but the idea grew on me.

As time went on, and I realized I was growing in my ability to interact with others, I realized that who I was at that time did not have to be permanent. I transferred to Humboldt, became chairperson of our residential counsel (which amazed me because in high-school, such things were about popularity rather than integrity and ideas), and became a volunteer program director of the Juvenile Hall Recreation Program, through our school's service program, YES- that also amazed me: that my supervisor would see anything in me that said I could do it; that was the first time I ever danced around in excitement- and in front of the administrators too! I remember during a YES meeting, saying that I knew that one day, I would really be leading- rather than being seen as a timid follower who doesn't do well with people.

While at Humboldt, I found a business partner to work with to start the camp, but he ended up backing out, so when I graduated, and moved back to LA, I began looking for a job working with emotionally disturbed kids. Autism was my second choice. I found an agency that served Autistic children, but the position I was given was with a woman with Myotonic Dystrophy. I told myself I wouldn't stay too long unless I could transfer to the kids department. I moved up the ladder to supervisor, but I felt that if I stayed, it would take too long to reach my dream, so I quit to focus full time on my MBA in Nonprofit Management. I decided that I would plan to complete the degree, and use my education to step straight into starting a camp.

I know better than to try and control my life. I rely strongly on seeking God's will for my life, but he had never told me "no," when I questioned this dream, so I decided to go with the assumption that God put this desire in me. I still wanted confirmation, and by this past summer, was craving time away, just to meditate and seek God's will.
(more later)