Secret Weapon: Friends (WM pt2)

This week, the monster is Fear of Friends Pulling Away. It's probably the most frequent villian at this point, but it has another thing coming if it believes it will actually win...

But today, he tries a common angle:

I write things on my status on Facebook, and later, I think, What if they thought it was inappropriate? What if she was offended? What if it made him uncomfortable? What if they misunderstood? What if they think I'm lying? What if they think I'm manipulating? What if they think I'm trying to guilt-trip them? What if they think I'm being fake? I could stop posting on Facebook... but I need them to see me for who I am. I cannot hide. I'll lose myself if my reason for not posting, is to hide. And it's not about posting on Facebook; that's just the door the monster is trying today.

So then the monster tries another angle:

I think, "My friends are wonderful... hmm, I say that a lot"- whether to them, or a general public statement. My former "best friend" for the past 16 years always complimented me. I learned from her, how to encourage people. Then she turned out to be the master manipulator- many people have been conned by her, so my fear becomes: "What if my friends think I say it too much... and think that I have an alterior motive in saying it? What if they don't trust me?"... But I fight the monster as I think, "Oh what the heck, my friends are awesome. Shut up monster. They're wonderful because they know I'm imperfect but they don't care. They know we all struggle. They accept me for who I am. And even if they question my sincerity, they'll just watch more carefully. They won't push me away just because they aren't sure. They'll give me a chance, and they'll see that I'm for real. They care about me. And they believe that God can change people. They won't give up on me. They'll talk to me if they have concerns- if they see a problem that needs to be addressed. That is a big part of why I know they're wonderful in the first place."

So I can be me around my friends, 'cause even if my friends see me as strange, they'll still be my friends; I don't have to hide. If I hide, they won't be able to help me. And I do need the help of my friends. They are the secret weapon against this monster.

And even as I'm fighting this monster this week, I'm also seeing the battle being won. It struck me, as I commented a few days ago about crocheting, that I would not have written that a year ago. There's no way, no when, no how that I would have acknowledged it because to me, it symbolized the epitome of a homebody. Not that crocheting was a bad thing, but I needed first, for my friends to see certain things about me that I felt people never saw.

A few of my teachers as I was growing up, labeled me in many ways- they saw me as lazy and weak, someone who used my disability to get out of responsibilities, a faker, a loner, excessively shy, and so-on. I needed my friends to see the outgoing, adventurous, determined side of me- the part of me I know is very real, but felt was invisible to everyone else. But I know my friends see me now; So I can be more fully me now. I can acknowledge all of who I am- even to myself. My favorite activities will probably always be camping, exploring, biking, and outdoor adventures such as backpacking, rock climbing, and such- and of course, making jewelry and scrapbooking. But I also do enjoy gardening, cooking, crocheting, reading, art galleries... and I can say all of that, and it won't contradict. I can be me, and know myself even more than I did before because I can trust that my friends know and accept me for who I am.