Smart Aleck

I have this habit of daydreaming up scenarios of how I would react, or like to react in various situations. I think I'm more of a smart aleck in my daydreams, than I am in real life. Today, I walked over to 7-11 for a hot dog. On the way, I saw an old man crouched down against a wall, hands on his head, covered in dirt, and looking worn out. I wished I could help him. I got to the store, and bought myself a hot dog- and decided to get him a couple steak taquito rollers- figured maybe he's had enough hot dogs, and they're cheap, so no big deal.
As I walked back, I passed him, glad he didn't disappear, and gave them to him. He smiled big and thanked me, and I continued walking, wishing I could do better, and praying that God will help him. Then I thought about the food distribution laws. It is illegal to distribute food without the right permits. The purpose is health-related. The implication is that technically, it's illegal to give food to the homeless without a permit.... not that any cop would uphold it, but if they did... say a really legalistic or grouchy cop happened to pass me as I gave the old guy food. Thus began the daydreaming:

Cop: May I see your permit?
Me: What permit?
Cop: To distribute food. It's illegal to distribute food to strangers without a permit.
Me: Well, I know his father. He wanted me to get him something.
Cop: His father? He's too old for his father to be alive!.... Oh, you mean God :-( ..... but you can't tell me this man's name, so it's illegal.
Me: Okay, so is that what the law says... that you can't DISTRIBUTE food?
Cop: Yes.
Me: Oh, okay (I hand my own food over to the old guy)
Cop: (quizzically) How does that help?
Me: Well, if I give it all to him, you know I'm not distributing it among people, right?

... I have a hard time with endings.

Doing

No, I haven't forgotten my blog. I am just at a point where doing the quest is taking up all my time, and there's no time left for writing about it. Mostly, my life is internship and spiritual growth right now- and time away, with friends on Sundays... but I will be back. I want to write. But it's 6:30 and time for me to start working, so that's all for now folks!

Out of Turmoil

Born into a realm of good and evil, to parents who appeared to those around them, as loving and gentle. In truth, the mother was. Of course she was imperfect; she was human. But her love was real, and this was what mattered most. The father, however, was not so good, and the father's influence on her siblings made being at home all-the-worse when her mother was not around. So the child found herself dreaming of making a home in the school's courtyard, which was surrounded by walls, but open above, with plants all around- a perfect place to hide at the end of the day.

School was a sanctuary in many ways, and in others, it was another harsh reality. Kids taunted, threw rocks and dirt, hit her with a broom, made threats, and whispered, "what's wrong with her?" But she refused to acknowledge them- outwardly. She received low grades, and frequently visited the school nurse, but what made it a sanctuary were a small handful of teachers; good people who seemed to care. Of course, not one of them knew anything was wrong, other than the fact that she struggled to make the grade. And she did not know that confiding in her teachers could help.

But not far away, stood a shadowy figure. Watching to ensure her safety. He was always hidden, but she knew he was there. She knew that he had the power to know her thoughts, and she knew that he knew the truth about her. So in this, she took refuge. When things were so bad that she wanted to give up, knowing he was there gave her a reason to live, and a hope for a different future.

She knew who he was, and she knew what he wanted. She tried to do right, and she knew he was pleased. But it wasn't 'til college, that he came close enough for her to feel him. Life had gotten easier for awhile, but then it took a turn for the worse. Her father's behavior was tearing the family apart. She did not feel safe at home, and therefore went home only to sleep; she stayed away as much as possible. She was afraid of losing her sister, and it was during this time, that the shadowy figure stepped forward, and placed his palms on her shoulder-blades (Even now, many years later, she can feel it again when she thinks about it). It was her master. He had claimed her many years before; he called out to her when she was young, and she had welcomed the invitation. Now he was there, letting her know, "I'm here for you."

He had been watching her for many years. He had seen her willingness and determination. He had given her small tasks, and she obeyed. He had encouraged her through challenges, and she trusted- albeit, far from perfectly. But he knew she had the heart of an apprentice. And so began a more stringent training; he called her to step out of her comfort zone, This was something quite different from the past, where uncomfortable situations approached her; now she was asked to make the step herself, and she daringly obeyed.

[I love you Lord]